I'M THE MYSTERIOUS LONER  


edited by D.R. Ransdell   

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

 

My Favorite Human

I prefer the woman not because
she greets me each morning
or fills our bowls to the top
(though I admit that’s a plus)
or because her roof is accessible
or her mesquite trees have branches
strong enough to hold me.
I favor the woman because
she’s almost never home.

She disappears for hours,
coming home too bushed
to monitor our activities.
The others get jealous
when she stays away.
They don’t realize that
the less she knows about
our routines and pleasures,
the less she knows what to expect.
Thus we’re unhampered
by human expectations
of when we should eat
or sleep or how much
we ought to purr.

My housemates complain
because they’re too immature
to see how sweet they’ve got it.
I don’t tell them otherwise.
If they become disillusioned enough,
they’ll run away, in which case
The Pink House and its woman
will be all mine.

 

Hear the woman read one of my other poems, "Pink House Cat," on youtube.

 

 

 
 
  
 

Phantom’s Profile

Occupation: Chief scaredy cat

Description: Black and slender

Distinguishing Trait: My fine ears

Biggest Accomplishment : Passing for one of the woman’s other black cats until she took me in.

Regrets: Spending a week in the cold before coming to the Pink House

Goals: Understanding myself. Nothing else is important.

Fears: Vacuum cleaners, loud noises, strange sounds, garbage trucks, drum sets, people

Advice: If your human starts packing up the house, look around for a new residence.

Life Questions: Where is the very best place to hide?

Biggest Complaint: Ping. He’s so dense.

Best Friend: Bandit. He’s always been nice to me.

Travel Goal: The moon. I can’t seem to understand it from so far away.

Favorites Things

Toy: I don’t play with toys.

Human Torment: Refusing to be sociable.

Spot: Under any bed

Treat: Tuna in water only

Friend of the woman’s: Biker man.

Language: French. It’s subtle, and not everyone can master it.

Music: I prefer silence. It’s richer, if only you stop to hear it.

Song: Stupid question. See above.

Day: Tuesday. No one pays attention to it.

Month: February. It reminds me of how I almost perished and how Bandit saved
my life by letting me “pass.”

TV Show: Dancing with the Stars. Forget about the dancing; I love the cat fights among the judges.

Films: Body Heat
Actor: Kathleen Turner. She always gets what she wants.

Musical: Phantom of the Opera.

Game: Keep Away

Sport: Escaping

Guilty Pleasure: Pretending I’m not under the bed